On the loss of our friends and loved ones

Every heart is built to bend and break
Like a dam can fall when your tears flood out the lake
Cause I know living right is sometimes in the cryin’
Emma-Lee

In any community, losing family members and friends is a profound event that stirs a complex mix of grief, reflection and resilience.

A few years ago, we wrote about a number of folks, long-time community members, who had moved off the island for various reasons and how their many community service contributions and friendships would be long-remembered and cherished.

In the past year, we have had another kind of exodus, this time several among us who have died. They are friends, neighbors and for some, family. It hurts. Their absence is felt deeply, leaving a void that cannot be easily filled.

How we as individuals cope with such losses can vary, even within ourselves over time.

Grief just sometimes comes on like a tsunami, one friend told us.

But it is important to admit that grief is part of living. One of our recent losses was John Simpson, a man of many talents and interests wrapped in a modest, respectful, dignified demeanor.

One who’d rather do and give than receive, John didn’t boast. Just in the November issue, we included a story about islanders organizing a fish-fry fundraiser to purchase a new golf cart for John, who had lost his vehicle to the floods of Hurricane Dorian in September 2019.

“I’m humbled,” he said about the gift.

John had some serious health problems, but they did not stop him in the least. Diabetes led to the loss of his lower legs in the last several years. But it was his heart that ended his life at the young age of 64.

Funerals and memorial services provide the opportunity for community members to come together, mourn together, and also celebrate the lives of those who have passed.

Kelley Shinn, a close friend of John, and also someone who lost her lower legs albeit at a young age, provided a stirring eulogy assuring those in attendance that it is normal to grieve and to cry when confronted with such losses and also to remember the good times.

In the last year, islander Kenny Ballance delivered several eulogies with consoling messages, shining lights on the deceased and their many contributions to the community and the positive impacts they had on others.

We thank these eulogists.

In the last year, the Ocracoke Observer has published more obituaries than any other year. Like John Simpson, the most recent, with the others we could point to their good-heartedness and accomplishments during their time on earth. You can see this by reading their obituaries on the Ocracoke Observer website.

Some who we’ve lost did not have formal funerals, but loved ones wrote heartfelt obituaries and family and friends gathered to remember them in ways the deceased would have appreciated.

In a small community like Ocracoke, there are a few ways to find support.

Our three churches provide it and there is an informal support group that came out of Hurricane Dorian that still meets monthly via Zoom. Mental health services also are offered by the Ocracoke Health Center and RHA, a partner of Trillium Health Resources.

To learn more about the mobile clinics or receive assistance at any time, visit Trillium Health Resources or call 1-877-685-2415.

Encouraging open discussions about grief is crucial for healthy coping.

Finally, the loss of good people can prompt a period of reflection within the community.

Be aware that December is the start of a SAD time –Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression that occurs in the fall and winter months when there is less natural sunlight.

There are ways to lessen the impact of SAD. Some of the coping strategies are regular exercise, especially outdoor walks when the sun is out, supplementing natural light by taking Vitamin D and staying connected with family and friends and getting involved with social group activities.

The many nonprofits on the island can use more volunteers.

Attending the Ocracoke Dolphins basketball games is a great way to be with others and see the students in action. Psychotherapy and possible medication are areas in which professional advice is needed.